Nights In White Satin
by Palaemona
Summary: The sky is beneath her feet, and she treads upon the atmosphere. Drops of Jupiter cling to her hair, and her eyes brighten like the falling stars. Her mind lusts for the hollow abyss of the sky, stretched out into overwhelming darkness.


She's become ragged, as the days went on.

She's no longer shiny. She's worn and tired and scared and broken. Her knuckles are bruised and bloody, and she has a nasty cut that stretches across her face. Her legs feel detached, so numb to existence. Burns cover her forearms, but it doesn't matter.

She pushed on, striking down. She gnashes her teeth out at one man, eyes flashing with fear.

He will come, because he must. She needs him.

But Simon isn't here right now.

So she pushes on.

…

Her world is torn apart.

The pain is stunning. Brilliant. She's gasping and fighting and resisting and trying to flee, because every thought, every emotion collides so painfully within her skull. She has no say, needles pricking into her flesh. She raises arms to try to defend herself.

A blue fist smashes into her face, knocking her backwards.

She cannot fear because she must be stronger because she must be the best because she will thrive.

She's a masterpiece created of rusty nails and jagged glass, broken before the world.

…

He finds her.

He is her last thought.

She's pushed away, locked away. She's like an old doll forgotten, locked in a trunk to wait for another day. She's cold and frozen and her body feels like its shutting down. She tries to resist, feeling so empty and blank.

But darkness rules, because darkness is always there.

Within her, living in the cracks of her mind. Crevasses of the unknown.

…

She wakes to agony.

Emotions clash so angrily within, and she's shaking and awake and all she can feel is blinding pain. They look at her, horrified. They try to snatch at her, but she's desperate, trying to fend their thoughts away.

Her body is naked, just like her mind. So wide and open, she has little resistance.

He tries to get a hold of her, calling to him. But she feels betrayed. Locked away and held captive.

She hates and she hurts and she fears and she's so broken.

…

He injects her with drugs to calm her thinking.

He tries to slow her fear and dive into her horrible secrets. Fear grapples her and she resists.

She is not trusted. She is feared.

She can live with it all.

…

The sky is beneath her feet, and she treads upon the atmosphere. Drops of Jupiter cling to her hair, and her eyes brighten like the falling stars. Her mind lusts for the hollow abyss of the sky, stretched out into overwhelming darkness.

She loves the world, as she watches each one fade away.

Every planet, every moon brings her a little further away.

She is living.

…

She lashes out with anger, because all she feels is anger.

The knife is in her hand before she understands, and she slashes out into flesh like they did to her. He screams and rages and the occupants of the vessel try to restrain her.

But that's the secret.

She is can never be restrained. Her mind is open to the worlds, and she is clinging to the secrets. Grappling for control.

She's losing it though, being pulled down under the shades of blue.

…

They discover the pain.

The trauma.

She hurts and shields herself and tries to escape.

They don't notice, because all they see is an innocent little girl tortured before them.

All she really is nothing. A hollow shell broken beyond all repair.

She knows.

…

She acts like summer, sometimes. Bare feet gliding over metal floors, spiraling up ladders. She dances across vertigo. She lunges over the spaces in between.

They watch but they don't see.

It's only when they're eating in heavy silence and she reaches for the plate of mushy food, that Mal finally understands.

He grasps hold of her forearm, holding tight as she tries to withdraw. Angry burn scars cling to her, breaking her flesh into a history of pain. Her slowly turns her, finding the smaller scars from where the injected acid into her system.

She's struggling but he refuses to let go. Everyone yells and she's fighting and she can't escape because she's being overwhelmed and she just can't take it anymore.

She collapses.

Things change after that.

…

They keep a closer eye on her.

She can still escape into the dark holes and hatches of the ship, slithering along the unknown. She can flee for hours as they try to lure her out.

She can't escape, she muses. Their voices echo and clash in the space, and she shivers.

She lifts an arm to cover her eyes. She's tired of seeing and knowing and realizing and understanding.

She's tired of being.

…

Living is a bother.

When you're dead, you don't exist. People forget and you are no more than a mere blur in existence. A memory that slips away.

You're body decomposes, falling victim to time and facts.

And then, you are nothing.

She likes the idea. Nothing and broken and dead and breathing are all so similar that she becomes numb to the truth.

…

She knows the secrets that she shouldn't know.

She can fire a gun and never look, and take the lives of men whom fire back at her.

It's what she was trained for. Crafted into, made into. She inspires fear, and she smiles.

It's the simple truth that she will never be more than a living weapon.

…

They move on, pushing forth.

She walks like a girl and breaths like a girl. She looks like a girl, but she doesn't think like a girl.

She doesn't have to.

She has thoughts in her head that blur and fade and hurt and burn.

Her heart races as she feels emotions that are not her own, that never will be her own. Her lungs burn as she feels worlds beneath her fingertips, existences blurring.

She's fading into nothing.

No one notices, because she is not real.

…

He comes with the darkness. And she knows.

He ties the girl with the smile up, and the girl with the smile cries angry tears. He locks the battered captain up, and he can't wake up. He and she are oblivious as they succumb to sleep. The angry one knows little.

But she knows.

She knows has he slams the Shepherd down, breaking down his defenses. As he forces Simon to find her.

She knows, because she knows everything.

That is why she is not there, nor is she here.

She's in the place in between.

…

They look at her differently.

They watch as she struggles, and they watch as she falls. They watch as she rises into victory.

She's not so hollow in the end, she no longer so damn broken.

She smiles and laughs, and for once she means it. Because she's no longer crying acid tears that burn her face. She's a being of death, living amongst the brightest.

She can live and she can thrive and she can be.


End file.
